False Hope Can Take You Off Track

Don’t Hold Out With False Hope

Do you rise each morning with the wide-eyed optimism that your child has finally hit that ‘magic’ age where they suddenly become more responsible?   If you haven’t taught your child  this quality all along, then you are experiencing “false hope.”  We all know what false hope means, but we may not be aware we’re practicing it until it’s too late.

Humans have a tendency to continue to hope for things even when no action has been put into place to illicit that desired circumstance or behavior.  It’s like looking at a pile of dirty dishes and believing they will clean and put themselves away on their own.

However, when it comes to parenting holding onto false hope can be damaging to our kids.  Continuing to watch our children practice poor habits day in and day out won’t change the reality of it, no matter how much we “hope” it will change.  This is only compounded when we take false hope a step further and assume they will outgrow it.

Have you latched onto false hope with your parenting techniques?  If so, this tool of  self-deception may be comfortable for a time, but eventually you will have to wake up to the realities in front of you.  If your child hasn’t done his homework without being nagged for an hour beforehand, leaving him to his own devices and hoping he will change is only creating a bigger problem and denying the reality of the situation.

Parents – If You Want To Nurture Your Child’s Growing Sense Of Responsibility – Be Exemplary

By Rory Sullivan

Daily chores are not the children’s responsibility. They are the parents’ responsibility. No amount of lists, schedules, or duty rotas will alter that. The bed-making, the dusting, the vacuuming, the washing, the ironing, the meal-making, the table-laying, the washing-up, the car-washing, the lawn-mowing, and anything else of this sort, are the parent’s responsibility.

The example parents set – how we choose to carry out those assignments – will have a huge bearing on our child’s sense of responsibility.

Do we go around the house with a woe-is-me, I’m-such-a-martyr, I-haven’t-got-time-to-sit-down, sort of demeanour? Are meals laid on the table with a comment on how much hard work went into preparing them, “and you should be grateful”?

What kind of effect do we think this will have on our children?

If Dad’s work has him out of the house at all hours with little time left for the family, and even that time is accompanied by frequent reminders about how “lucky you ought to feel having a roof over your head,” how do we suppose children are going to react? What will it do for their growing sense of responsibility?

When children choose to come and ask to help, or work alongside you – which they invariably do from a very young age – it is a golden opportunity for fun and togetherness, which can be welcomed with open arms and tactfully restrained enthusiasm – but with the understanding that if the child desires to go and do something else, she can do. And it won’t be accompanied by a caustic, witty or sarcastic aside. When volunteered time together is handled in such a happy and joyous way, this is bound to have a positive effect on the child’s growing sense of responsibility.

We can ask for help, sure – it gives children the opportunity to help if they want to. The demand for chores to be done, on the other hand, is an invitation for struggle. When tasks are left incomplete it is too easy to lapse into self-righteous moralizing. Too many “We don’t quit, Son!” speeches might soon lead to us having a little Jim Stark in the family.

A child’s room is their responsibility. If they choose to have an untidy room, or an unmade bed, that is up to them. And, who knows, it could be their own little haven of rebellion against the way the rest of the household is micro-managed.

When parents carry out their day-to-day assignments in an exemplary, pleasant, and approachable manner – as far as is humanly possible, we all have sour days – this will do more to nurture a child’s growing sense of responsibility than any daily chores list ever will.

Rory Sullivan writes for A carpenter from Nazareth, a website dedicated to helping people unearth the spirituality within.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/535663

See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at www.TerrificParenting.com

Parenting – The Right Way To Communicate With Your Children

By Donald Saunders

Communication is a fundamental part of our day-to-day lives and, within the family setting, it is vital for parents to learn to communicate effectively with their children. This is not always as easy as you might think and there is certainly a right way and a wrong way to approach the subject.

One of the biggest problems we face with communication in general is that people vary so widely in so many different areas that there is no single way to communicate with others which will fit everyone in all circumstances. This means that there is no simple rule of communication which we can learn and apply. However, studies, together with many years of experience, do show that there are a few methods of communicating which are generally effective and which work better than others.

The first and most important rule in communicating with our children is honesty. Children are not stupid and they will very quickly spot a situation in which they are being lied to.

Now this doesn’t imply that you must answer every question that is put to you in a totally frank and open manner. There are some things that your children don’t need to know, and indeed shouldn’t know, and you have your own right to privacy. How much information you share with your children will depend upon their age, their ability to understand the information being imparted, their level of genuine interest in the information and your own level of comfort in sharing such information. The secret however is to share that information with your children as and when it is appropriate, but not to evade the issue by attempting to lie your way out of it.

The second important rule of communication is to pick the right time to communicate with your children. For example, let’s suppose that you are concerned about recent behavior with regard to other people’s property and feel that your children need to understand that they have to respect other people’s belongings.

Simply sitting them down and talking to them about the problem would be one option, but it is unlikely to have the impact you would wish for. However, waiting a while and watching for an example of the problem to arise outside of the family could yield excellent results. Witnessing an example on the television or while out shopping could provide just the right moment to open a discussion on the issue, perhaps along the lines of, “Hey, did you see what he just did?” and then inviting the child’s comments with something like, “What do you think of that then?”

The important point here is that the issue becomes the subject of a relevant discussion within a real life context in which the child has the opportunity to express his or her point of view, as well as discovering what you think about the issue. The child will benefit far more from this approach than from a simple ‘lecture’ on the subject.

The third secret to good communication with your children is that of listening. Communication is very much a two way process and it’s often easy to forget this fact.

One of the biggest problems in many households arises out of what children views as hypocrisy. A case of parents saying one thing and doing another, or telling children to behave in a certain manner while doing just the opposite themselves. The problem however is that, while the children see this and interpret the parents actions in this manner, the parents themselves don’t always spot the problem.

Children see a great deal and are affected by everything that goes on around them but, unless you take the time to listen to them, how can you ever know what they are thinking and how they are feeling.

An excellent approach is often referred to as ‘Stop, look and listen’ and it is extremely effective. If one of your children needs to speak to you then stop what you’re doing, look at the child and listen while he or she speaks. Giving your children your clear attention sends a powerful signal to them that you are interested in hearing what they have to say and that their thoughts, views and opinions are valued.

These are just a few of the basic rules of parental communication but they are extremely important and should form the foundation on which you build your own method of effective communication with your children.

Parenting4Dummies.com provides advice and information on child parenting and on a wide range of topics including only child parenting, the skill of parenting teenagers, step parenting, divorced parenting and the science of parenting.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/488045

See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at www.TerrificParenting.com