False Hope Can Take You Off Track

Don’t Hold Out With False Hope

Do you rise each morning with the wide-eyed optimism that your child has finally hit that ‘magic’ age where they suddenly become more responsible?   If you haven’t taught your child  this quality all along, then you are experiencing “false hope.”  We all know what false hope means, but we may not be aware we’re practicing it until it’s too late.

Humans have a tendency to continue to hope for things even when no action has been put into place to illicit that desired circumstance or behavior.  It’s like looking at a pile of dirty dishes and believing they will clean and put themselves away on their own.

However, when it comes to parenting holding onto false hope can be damaging to our kids.  Continuing to watch our children practice poor habits day in and day out won’t change the reality of it, no matter how much we “hope” it will change.  This is only compounded when we take false hope a step further and assume they will outgrow it.

Have you latched onto false hope with your parenting techniques?  If so, this tool of  self-deception may be comfortable for a time, but eventually you will have to wake up to the realities in front of you.  If your child hasn’t done his homework without being nagged for an hour beforehand, leaving him to his own devices and hoping he will change is only creating a bigger problem and denying the reality of the situation.

Parenting – The Right Way To Communicate With Your Children

By Donald Saunders

Communication is a fundamental part of our day-to-day lives and, within the family setting, it is vital for parents to learn to communicate effectively with their children. This is not always as easy as you might think and there is certainly a right way and a wrong way to approach the subject.

One of the biggest problems we face with communication in general is that people vary so widely in so many different areas that there is no single way to communicate with others which will fit everyone in all circumstances. This means that there is no simple rule of communication which we can learn and apply. However, studies, together with many years of experience, do show that there are a few methods of communicating which are generally effective and which work better than others.

The first and most important rule in communicating with our children is honesty. Children are not stupid and they will very quickly spot a situation in which they are being lied to.

Now this doesn’t imply that you must answer every question that is put to you in a totally frank and open manner. There are some things that your children don’t need to know, and indeed shouldn’t know, and you have your own right to privacy. How much information you share with your children will depend upon their age, their ability to understand the information being imparted, their level of genuine interest in the information and your own level of comfort in sharing such information. The secret however is to share that information with your children as and when it is appropriate, but not to evade the issue by attempting to lie your way out of it.

The second important rule of communication is to pick the right time to communicate with your children. For example, let’s suppose that you are concerned about recent behavior with regard to other people’s property and feel that your children need to understand that they have to respect other people’s belongings.

Simply sitting them down and talking to them about the problem would be one option, but it is unlikely to have the impact you would wish for. However, waiting a while and watching for an example of the problem to arise outside of the family could yield excellent results. Witnessing an example on the television or while out shopping could provide just the right moment to open a discussion on the issue, perhaps along the lines of, “Hey, did you see what he just did?” and then inviting the child’s comments with something like, “What do you think of that then?”

The important point here is that the issue becomes the subject of a relevant discussion within a real life context in which the child has the opportunity to express his or her point of view, as well as discovering what you think about the issue. The child will benefit far more from this approach than from a simple ‘lecture’ on the subject.

The third secret to good communication with your children is that of listening. Communication is very much a two way process and it’s often easy to forget this fact.

One of the biggest problems in many households arises out of what children views as hypocrisy. A case of parents saying one thing and doing another, or telling children to behave in a certain manner while doing just the opposite themselves. The problem however is that, while the children see this and interpret the parents actions in this manner, the parents themselves don’t always spot the problem.

Children see a great deal and are affected by everything that goes on around them but, unless you take the time to listen to them, how can you ever know what they are thinking and how they are feeling.

An excellent approach is often referred to as ‘Stop, look and listen’ and it is extremely effective. If one of your children needs to speak to you then stop what you’re doing, look at the child and listen while he or she speaks. Giving your children your clear attention sends a powerful signal to them that you are interested in hearing what they have to say and that their thoughts, views and opinions are valued.

These are just a few of the basic rules of parental communication but they are extremely important and should form the foundation on which you build your own method of effective communication with your children.

Parenting4Dummies.com provides advice and information on child parenting and on a wide range of topics including only child parenting, the skill of parenting teenagers, step parenting, divorced parenting and the science of parenting.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/488045

See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at www.TerrificParenting.com

How Reading Can Make You a Super Mom

By Maria M Elaaraj

How can I be a super mom? Don’t we all ask ourselves this question from the minute we get pregnant and feel the soul of our loved one growing inside of us? Personally, when I conceived my first girl I wished someone could provide me with A to Z steps on how to be the best mother in the world but this is impossible. Even child psychologists haven’t agreed on one unique method to raising our children. I have read so many parenting books and what I found is that the general methods are common but when it comes to practicing these methods scientists might disagree. Nevertheless, reading is, in my own opinion, essential for a good parenting adventure. Books will not only tell us how to deal with certain situations but they will help us learn how to find a suitable solution to our child’s case since every child is unique therefore every child needs a different kind of intervention.

So, my number one tip for being a super mom is:

Reading:

Begin reading from the minute you learn you’re going to be a mother. Fall in love with those parenting books because they might be your only way out. If you’re a new-mom you cannot possibly imagine the twisted situations a child could put you through or go through himself. Therefore, you need to be well prepared. Choose two or three of the most popular parenting books; go through the suggested ideas and explained techniques and see how you can apply what you read to your actual situation.

I will recommend few books: How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber, The Baby Book: Everything You Need To Know About Your Baby from Birth To Age Two by William Sears, The No-Cry Sleep solution: Gentle Ways To Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night Foreword by William Sears, MD by Elizabeth Pantley, Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber, Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn.

Now after you have read so many books, you will have enough material to allow you to act well under hard circumstances. And as a mother you will be facing many, from the moment you give birth to the second you accompany your child to the altar.

Maria El-Aaraj creator of How To Be Super Mom: http://www.mariasupermom.blogspot.com Writer of parenting articles, recipes and kids crafts. You might be interested in checking one of her most popular articles New-Moms Sleep Well

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7249675

See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at www.TerrificParenting.com